Amazing – A Letter to My Son on His Birthday

Dear T -

What a difference a year makes!  You turned two today and greeted me, as usual, with a smile and a “Hey!”  I lifted you out of your crib with the realization that this time next year you will more than likely be in your big-boy bed and the hope it would be the only change to our morning routine.  We headed downstairs and I recalled, as you asked for milk and jumped on the couch and helped open your gifts and tried to stick your entire face into your cake (yes, for breakfast!) that this time last year you had just taken your first solo steps.  When we spent the afternoon at the National Zoo, you pointed to and named the animals and it reminded me that age one you fell asleep every night with your giraffe.  And tonight, when I tucked you in and you blew me a kiss for the very first time – well, that was just perfect.

Heaven blew every trumpet and played every horn, on the wonderful, marvelous night you were born. – Nancy Tillman

For you each day is an adventure! You took your first steps in the days before you turned one and have been non-stop action since.  You’ve learned to jump, climb, and run, and scared the crap out of your father a few weeks ago when he found you half-way up a 6′ ladder.You smile and say hello to people we pass on the way to the market, ask “what’s that?” or “hear that?” a thousand times a day, and your eyes light up when we head to the park or the zoo or even somewhere new. And it is so exciting to see you running around the playground, making friends and kicking the ball around. You are curious and inquisitive and do not shy from new experiences, and I hope you never lose your sense of wonder.

You already have quite a way with words. Most mornings your Daddy and I wake up hearing you talking or reading to yourself, and with the exception of nap time it’s pretty much non-stop until bedtime. You started using your signs asking for “more” borsch (of all things!) in July; since then you’ve learned hundreds of signs and words and each day it seems you know a few more. You have questions for EVERYTHING, usually more than one, and there are days when I am grateful for the silence when you’ve fallen asleep. But I would not trade it for anything else, and I pray you retain your excitement for language.

And perhaps most incredible is that, at the age of two, you are the first to notice if someone is upset, or sad, or hurt, and ask “you ‘tay?” and offer a hug or a hand on the arm. I don’t know where you learned that compassion, but my wish for you is that you never lose it.

You’ve accomplished so much in the days since you turned one and are, in a word, amazing.  I say that knowing, if you ever read this, you will be horrified and embarrassed and may go so far as to deny me as your mother.  But it’s true, so there it is.

Happy birthday, my sweet peanut. I look forward to seeing what the next year will bring.

 

It’s my life and I’ll sleep if I want to!

I fell asleep at 8:30 last night.  On the couch, in front of the TV, with T still fussing himself back to sleep after being woken by a short barking fit from the dogs.  And at 11:30, when DH finally managed to get me awake enough to stand (I know it’s shocking, but I can be quite a bear), I stomped up the stairs, brushed my teeth, put on pjs, and fell back asleep until 7:30 when I heard T reading to himself in his crib.  It.  Was.  AWESOME.

I know so many moms, parents, people, who berate themselves for being tired.  They have a long list of ailments, maladies, poor nutritional choices, exercise inefficiencies, impotent vitamins, anything and everything that they think they are not doing properly, hence their sheer exhaustion.  Since becoming a mom I’ve spoken with so many others who are apologetic about their yawns and bloodshot eyes.  Their body has let them down, and they are truly sorry. 

WHAT?!?!!!  Sure there are days when I wish I had more energy to do just one more thing, play with T a few more minutes, go a few blocks further with the dogs, finish that last chapter.  That’s my mind saying “You only get one chance, take it!” not “your body is unworthy of this brain!”  It’s like a badge of honor to be tired, and the ultimate reward to be able to sleep well after a busy day.

So I did, for a really long time.  And this morning, when I woke and my headache was gone and my eyes were clear and I spoke with sweet words and hummed through the day with the patience of a saint, my brain – and the world – thanked me.

Do you feel like you get “enough” sleep?  Does it change your outlook on your day when you do?

 

Brand New Year

One of the things I love about living here is there’s no shortage of stuff to do. We spend a lot of our free time taking advantage of all things urban, but there are plenty of opportunities to explore the great outdoors. This year we decided to celebrate the new year by taking a hike through the NCR trail, former railroad beds that are now protected as public space.

It’s been pretty cold the past few weeks so we bundled up, wrangled the dogs into the car and headed out early. Oscar and Harley spent nearly the entire drive with their faces pressed to the windows, whining in anticipation – it had been quite a while, but they clearly remembered the fun they’d had on previous outings. Within minutes of hitting the trail T grabbed a walking stick, knowing by some instinct how to use it. He was quiet for a stretch, uncharacteristic for him, and I looked down to make sure he was okay. “What’s up peanut?” He was looking off the path, down to the creek, and turned back to me cupping his ear. “Ere?”

I should mention that I’ve been showing him signs since he was about three months old. He can hear (at least when he chooses to) and I’m no teacher, but I decided before I even got pregnant that I was going to try it. For months I showed him signs while saying the word out loud and finally, finally, a day came last summer when he signed “more.” As in, “I loved that watermelon you gave me and now I want MORE!” And he used that one sign for a long time, before finally mastering a few others. Not that lack of sign language skills kept him from communicating – that kid wakes up talking to himself and goes to bed the same way.

My little man, enjoying his hike!

But this day was different. We walked for nearly two hours, stopping to watch wildlife, crunch snow, and scale the stone embankment. T motioned that he heard something and then, if he knew what it was, signed the word. He pulled out signs for animals I never realized he’d learned, making their sounds out loud. And not just signs – words flowed out of him like we’d been having these chats forever. Stick, snow, dog, tree, water, daddy, outside, walk, jump, tired, hungry. Maybe T sensed the magic of it being a new year to leap head first into bold new territory. We had a great morning, my son and I, and I look forward to many more walks down that path.

Do you have plans to work on a new skill or achieve a goal this year?

 

Planning Ahead – Ten Things to Shop for Post Holiday

It’s funny how people change over time.  Ten years ago I would have been the frantic idiot in line at the mall five minutes before closing on Christmas Eve, arms laden with stuff that may or may not have been on anyone’s wish list but at least would allow me to cross someone off my gift list. My dad was usually less frantic, standing in line behind me.  Fast forward a decade, and I actually pride myself on being able to count in years how long it’s been since I’ve set foot in a mall.  A downsized gift-giving list and dedication to shopping local and sustainable whenever possible can take most of the credit.  That said, the day after Christmas is my Black Friday and so far no distance, weather event, illness or hangover has prevented me from this annual ritual.

By the time the holidays roll around I usually have a list of things I need, want, or would like to replace.  I hit the stores with a simple plan – think outside the box, don’t buy more than I can use, and put it somewhere I’ll remember for the following year. Here is a list of ten things I look for when I hit the stores after Christmas:

1.  Ornaments and lights.  This one is obvious, but there was a time when I just packed up the old, half-lit bulbs and tossed any broken ornaments and figured I’d deal with it the following year.  Now we usually buy one new ornament as a family, typically one that commemorates something that happened that year, and the rest we get 60% – 75% off.  I also try to stock up on those little stockings, which I use as silverware wrappers and gift card holders, and smaller ornaments that I use on top of packages instead of bows.  Now that he’s old enough, I also scoured the discount ornaments for something I can use as a base for T to customize next year for the grand- and god-parents and found some cute snowflakes that will be perfect.  And don’t rule out ornaments as gifts for holidays other than Christmas – in past years I’ve found Star Wars for my brother who loves the movie series, Nascar for my dad who collects that type of paraphernalia, and multiple cows for myself who can’t get enough of them.

2.  Tableware.  I have a really hard time paying a lot of money for disposable paper so unless we have holiday-appropriate tableware when we need it, we’re out of luck.  After the holidays I stock up on plates, cups, napkins, and serving trays.  Some stores have a collection of holiday wares in “non-traditional” color schemes like blue, yellow and magenta, and I love when I find some pretty champage glasses or tablecloths I can use for some other party.  A few years ago I replaced my chipped dishes with a set of beautiful white china rimmed in silver that I found marked down by 80%.  We still use them and have long since gotten our money’s worth.  This year I snapped up some great little cocktail plates that will hold a wine glass and purple tablecloths – party of the “non-traditional” holiday color collection – that I’ll use when the Ravens reach the playoffs. I also found some placemats and a table runner I’ll use on the coffee and side tables in a beautiful aqua blue.

Look at all that loot!

3.  Linens and sheets.  Flannel sheets are great, especially when you find them on clearance.  I’ve also found rugs, pillows, throws, and dish towels.  Last year I found small fleece blankets which I bought for $2 each for gifts for the pups.  This year I scored a couple of kiddie hooded towels which T will love to get later in the year.

4.  Toys.  T and J both have birthdays in the two months following Christmas and while we are usually done shopping for the event well before then, sometimes I’ll come across stuff that we pick up for the occasion.  But when the stores start marking down toys, first 60% and then 75% or more, I buy and store them for Toys for Tots the following year.  Last year I got $100 worth of charitable donations for less than $25, and used the trip to the donation box as a chance for T to learn about giving to others. Don’t forget the pets – sets of toys packaged especially for gift giving are often on sale as well.

5.  Sporting Goods.  I”m not sure why these go on sale with the holiday stuff but every year I take the opportunity to update my camping supplies and check out the bikes, wagons, scooters, and every assortment of golfing equipment and sports ball.  This year I had my eye on a new air mattress (in the same aisle as camping) but talked myself out of it on the premise that I could probably find it cheaper online.

6.  Bakeware and cooking essentials.  I’ve already mentioned tablecloths, placemats and table runners, but there are plenty of other great deals to be had.  I finally replaced my beat up pot holders with some new ones I found in a hodge podge of discounted cookie sheets and cupcake wrappers.  This is a great time to find holiday-themed kits (think cupcake and chocolate covered pretzel), stuff to decorate cookies, and baking equipment packaged for the holidays like cookie presses and mixing bowls.  This year I bought a few packages of gingerbread and sugar cookie mix, which will keep well into the new year, and a red cookie sheet liner that I snagged for $1.72.  I also took the opportunity to stock up on all the packaging supplies I’ll need for next year’s neighborhood cookie exchange, including some super cute gingerbread house boxes.

7.  Packaging.  Also obvious, but this is another thing I hate spending a lot of money on.  We do a pretty good job of reusing bags and boxes but sometimes it takes a while for them to cycle back.  I stock up on coordinated paper, bags, boxes and tissue for “Santa” gifts, and find other bags and paper for the rest.  I love when I find pretty gift boxes or even decorated cardboard boxes that don’t need to be wrapped.  This year I grabbed a bunch of gift card holders including some that are basic enough they can be used for pretty much any occasion.  I also scored a several giant gift bags, enough small handled bags to use as “stockings” next year, and several containers to package and dress up the wine bottles we tend to give throughout the year.  But my favorite score was two fabulous red totes I’d had my eye on for months, with which I plan to (finally) organize by trunk.

8.  Craft supplies.  Places like Michaels and JoAnn Fabrics stock plenty of crafty stuff in time for the holidays, including tons of kid-friendly stuff.  From the holiday surplus I culled paints, markers, stickers, pipe cleaners and pompoms, plus a bunch of kid-friendly craft kits that he’ll grow into by next year.  Bonus score:  Multi-packs of crayons we can grab and go when we eat out – it’s not like T will care they have stockings on them!

9.  Gifts and stocking stuffers.  I can appreciate the pre-packaged gifts that stores put out during the holidays, stuff like electronic coin banks and hair hockey tables and mitten sets, but not so much the prices.  I don’t buy this stuff to have it “just in case,” but occasionally I come across something that will be a great match for someone on my gift list.  This year I brought home several book “safes” with the hollow middle, which J and his cousins will love.  I’ll probably wait another week or so but I usually buy several glove and scarf sets, which I donate to charity during the coat and mitten drive.  A few years ago I purchased a set of glass candle holders that I gave as a wedding gift later that year, and often find pretty plant bulb sets that make sweet Mother’s Day gifts.  And this is a great time to find picture frames, some of which I keep and some will be used to gift next year’s holiday pics. Several stores now have dollar sections, great for stocking stuffers pre-holiday; they are even been post when the stuff is 70% off.  I cleaned up at Michaels, finding everything from glow sticks to model car kits to temporary tattoos, everything but the edible treats we’ll pick up closer to Christmas.

10.  Storage.  Craft stores have their holiday baskets on sale most of the month before the holiday, and they are even cheaper after.  I usually hit this section after a good look around the house to see what needs to be organized, revamped, or redone.  This year the craft supplies are getting an overhaul thanks to metal buckets I found for less than $2 each; the bathroom towels will find a new home in baskets on the wall; and we will finally have some sort of system for the various cords, remotes and controllers that have overgrown the media center using the felt totes I discovered on an endcap at Target.

As I hauled in my goods DH rolled his eyes a bit but I know he’s pretty proud not only of the money we save, but of the fact that we don’t need to scramble around last minute.  I usually make it to retail box store, a craft store and a home improvement store like Home Depot or Lowes, which provide a great supply of lights and ornaments.  Places like CVS and Walgreens also have a nice selection of packaging and toys. Many years, in addition to preparing for Christmas future, we stock up for other coming events such as birthdays, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, weddings, even Easter.  With a little foresight and planning, post-Christmas clearance can be one-stop shopping for a year full of great times.

 

Joy

Christmas is always a hectic time of year in our house.  Even when it was just me, and then me and DH, our families live in different states and I don’t recall a holiday in nearly two decades for which I was not in a car, airport, bus terminal or train station.  Until last year, when we shook things up by announcing we were staying home and all were welcome to join us. Needless to say two sets of parents and siblings, not to mention hosting friends and extended family on Christmas Eve, leads to a lot of work and a very full house.

This year has turned out to be nearly the opposite of the chaos of Christmas past.  My parents decided to head to Mexico, and for the first time we won’t be together to celebrate.  I’ve been pretty down about it for months, to the point of dreading Christmas even more than I usually do. To make matters worse, work has been ridiculously busy but the timing of the holiday brought the benefit of a pre-celebratory three-day weekend to unwind and prepare.  I spent two days baking, which may sound awful but is cathartic and as close to zen as I’ve permitted myself to get.  Rolling dough and measuring ingredients takes just enough attention to keep my ADD from kicking in so I walk off to start something else, but not so much that I can’t let my mind wander.  Ten dozen cookies leaves plenty of time for thoughts.

He’s got an eye like his daddy!

T’s first gift to me came in the form of a stone. It was during our family vacation last summer and we had hiked quite a ways, especially for someone for whom bipedal mobility was a fairly new accomplishment. There, in the middle of the Pisgah National Forest, my sweet peanut bent down to examine the trail and after several minutes looked up and offered me his find – a nondescript piece of gravel that may have meant nothing in a different time and place. But the smell of the forest and the blue of his eyes looking into mine, the feel of the rock and the sound as my breath caught as he placed it my hand, are burned forever into my brain.  Each time I think of that moment or spy my treasure sitting on the dresser my heart melts in what can only be described as Joy.

We moved so much growing up that most years it was just me, my brother and parents. I cannot recall specific holidays when there were more or fewer gifts, although I’m sure they existed. I remember putting up the train and hearing it clack and clang around the tree; cinnamon rolls baked fresh on Christmas morning; my brother and I testing out our new sleds in the crisp new snow.  Simple memories of love and family and togetherness, rather than feelings of dread over too much money spent, too little time to prepare, too many people who don’t get along having to share the same table over a meal it took too long to make and too little time to enjoy.  I think that’s why, as an adult, I’ve struggled with Christmas as a holiday and tradition; somewhere along the line everything else started getting in the way.

I definitely missed spending this time of year with my parents, especially since we see each other only once every several months.  But they gave me the unexpected gift – the chance to start new traditions, ones I hope T will remember as I recall those from my childhood.  I want those traditions to be based on the sights and smells, sounds and tastes of home, family and love, all the ingredients for a holiday filled with Joy.

Happy holidays and best wishes that you will find your own Joy in 2013.

 

Silence

From the pause when I answered the phone, I could tell something was wrong.  The caller ID told me that my husband was wondering if I was ready to be picked up from work.  The woman on the other end had a different inquiry.

 “Your husband was brought in by ambulance.  He’s still talking but…how soon can you get down here?”

 I spent the next thirty minutes enveloped in the sounds that, as a city dweller, I usually find comforting – the honking of irate rush-hour drivers, yells of greeting and farewell from kids released from school, the screech of the buses lining up to take commuters home.  And of course sirens, which grew increasingly louder as I approached my destination. 

 That was the last time for many days that I would find comfort in sounds.  The caustic smell of a city emergency room greeted me, along with wails of varying length and pitch from its occupants.  The electronic swoosh of the doors as I was escorted into the sanctity of the “you really need emergency services” section of the emergency room, followed by a steady stream of questions from the team of doctors already preparing my husband for surgery.  “When did he eat last?”  “Any allergies?” “What medications is he taking?”  “Does he have a health care proxy?”

I followed the clicking of the gurney toward the operating room, the rhythmic pattern set off by one wheel with a mind of its own.  For the next several hours, the inane banter of talk show hosts and infomercials in the waiting room.  And then, finally, the ring of the telephone to say the surgery was over and the patient was being transported to the CSICU for recovery.

 In retrospect, the fourteen days spent keeping a bedside watch seem barely out of the ordinary.  The ever-constant beeping of the monitors assured me that my husband was still alive, even when he was not awake or even conscious. My vigil was broken to eat, sleep, and attend the sonogram for our unborn child.  Even as I heard the fast thumping of the baby’s heart, it did not occur to me that we would go on without a father and husband.

 The night he was released from the hospital, my husband and I climbed the stairs, pulled up the down comforter, and positioned ourselves in bed around the dogs and baby-belly as if nothing had ever happened.  Only the eight-inch gash in his chest told the tale of what we had been through.  My husband was asleep in seconds.  It was not until that interminable silence between his breaths, anxiously waiting for the next, that I asked “what if?” and allowed myself to cry.

[I originally wrote this for a local literary magazine but ended up submitting a different article.  We are forever grateful to Baltimore City Fire/Rescue, Johns Hopkins Medical Center and their CSICU for their part in this story having a happy ending. - CP]

 

Aftermath

My Dad taught me at an early age to appreciate the sheer awesome power of Mother Nature. As a kid growing up in a nomadic family, we practiced all manner of weather and emergency drills both in practice and out of necessity. Over the years we learned to seek shelter from a tornado while on a camping trip (seek the lowest ground possible, preferably in a ditch or ravine, and lie flat), how to stay safe during sudden rough water while boating (fasten life jackets, stay low and center, point the bow at a 40 degree angle into the wind, reduce speed and head toward the nearest coast), and what to do when caught in a blizzard (seek shelter, making a snow cave if no other option, get/stay dry and stay hydrated but do not eat snow). Since then I’ve encountered earthquakes, water spouts, crazy thunder storms, a mud slide and hurricanes, plus a few other non-weather emergencies.

Last week, as we were hauling home sandbags and strapping down the yard furniture, we reviewed our emergency and evacuation plan and double-checked our stash of supplies in preparation for Sandy. While federal and state governments have spent millions (billions?) on ads encouraging folks to have an emergency plan in the aftermath of Katrina, DH and I came up with one years ago and review it twice a year. Each time, we’re surprised at the small (and sometimes big) changes that we make – tweaks we feel make it faster, safer, and easier to remember, important to us given the age of our kids. So while everyone else in our neighborhood was looting the grocery store for TP and water, we popped some corn and watched a movie, catching storm updates on the weather radio.

The worst of the carnage from three days of wind and rain could be found in our living room.

Obviously preparation can only get you so far; in my experience, it’s often the kindness of strangers that makes up the gap. We were fortunate to come through the storm unscathed, and my heart goes out to those in New Jersey and New York who were not as fortunate.

Do you have an emergency plan? How often to you revisit and/or practice it?